Nothing gets better

so.. i dont even know where to begin. maybe at the very beginning 15 years ago when i started out my bad decision making habits? who knows. but its all led up to this. sure you can say, "well you brought it upon yourself." and of course thats true. i did. through my own bad decision making. now i cant escape it. its clenched fists held above me but now its bringing me to my knees. i dont know what to do anymore. im done. im done trying, caring, giving, helping, doing anything. im going to sit at my house and be fucking lazy and not go anywhere or do anything. even then im fucked cus nothing is going to get better from here on out. Everyting keeps getting WORSE. WHY? why me? oh woe is me, blah blah blah. FUCK THIS SHIT MAN. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! i know you cant hear or see me but i am truly broken. i am down for the count who knows when ill get back up. i dont know what to do. at all. i have no hopes or dreams or goals. every time i get one i see it smashed in my face. every time i actually put forth effort and try at something i fail. EVERY FUCKING TIME. whats the point anymore? im not seeing one.. i wish i had someone who i could just tell all these things too and that would hold me and comfort me and i could just cry and cry and cry. but i dont. so i have this. and this doesnt even help. it makes me feel stupid because im putting all this shit out there. whatever..